What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
