He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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