She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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