just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
