I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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