I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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