u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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