Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
