Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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