Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
