Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
50% drunk capacity currently
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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