but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
