So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize