hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
