her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
