Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
