I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
