so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
