Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
