Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
