a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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