VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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