i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
honey bunches of taint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
