You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
