Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
