that's an acceptable place to lick
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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