In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
