I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
