Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
