I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
