i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
