i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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