tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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