I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
