so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize