I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
