Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
