we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
