every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
