Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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