Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
