Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
