I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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