So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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