Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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