Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
