Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
