he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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