Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
