I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
