Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
