do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
