you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
