i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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