her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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