I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
