I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
