What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
