If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
