watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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