Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
