only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
