Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
