Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
