The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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