Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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