The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize