I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
