Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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