hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
two words: eviction party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
