just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
