someone get that fucking seahorse.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
