i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
