One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
