"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize