The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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