I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
please don't ironically join a cult
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