i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
