Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
