i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
