mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your penis caused this!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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