It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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