umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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