Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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