Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
