this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
