break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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