My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize